


Mission: Romance

by G_the_G



Series: RED: Related Extremely Dangerous [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, RED - Fandom, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awesome Darcy Lewis, Crossover, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Frank Moses is Darcy's Uncle, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G_the_G/pseuds/G_the_G
Summary: Darcy helps her Uncle Frank out with some of the normal-person problems he faces.





	

“Hey, Uncle Frank!” Darcy grinned as she balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder, freeing up her hands to continue collating Jane’s notes. “How’s retirement?”

“It’s… something.”

She snorted at his tone. She’d told her mom he’d be bored to tears within two hours. Not enough shoot ‘em up in Ohio. Especially not in winter. “Pull out all your nose hair yet?”

“My nose hair?”

“Well, you’re bored and you’re bald, so that’s the next option, right? Or would you go for the limbs first? Like during a good torture interrogation?”

The phone did nothing to muffle his sigh. “I never should have told you about my time in Bogota.”

“No. You definitely _should_ have told me about it. Just maybe not when I was 12. But, I know that’s not why you called. What’s up?”

There was a long pause as he purposely slowed his breathing, gathering his thoughts. Something she’d gotten used to when he was getting ready to explain what happened whenever he had been babysitting and her parents came home to a disaster. And something he probably had to do a lot on the missions she wasn’t supposed to know anything about and still barely knew anything of. But not for lack of trying.

“There’s this woman.”

“Ooh, a _woman!_  Who is this woman?”

“Her name is Sarah.”

“And how do you know this Sarah?”

“I don’t.”

“You.. don’t?”

“We, uh, talk on the phone. She works in pension services.”

He held the phone away from his ear to save what little hearing he had left from her screeching laughs.

“I don’t know why I even called you.”

“Hold on,” she gasped. “Just, don’t hang up. I’m sorry. I just.” she had to pause, each word cut off by a laugh, “This is so you!”

“How is this ‘so me’?”

“Remember that time you accidentally volunteered to be my soccer coach because you ran into one of the single soccer moms in the library with me and didn’t know how to handle her passive aggressive flirting?”

“You all learned a valuable lesson about not allowing a despot to take charge.”

“Yeah, well, the referee certainly didn’t see himself as a despot. However, that aside, you get into the oddest situations, especially when you’re not working. This was bound to happen.”

He hummed. Mostly in annoyance, but part in acknowledgement. He’d always gotten into the most trouble when not on a mission. Like that one time in Budapest.

“But, it’s a good thing you called me. I am totally full of advice. Although, what advice do you need? Because there’s certain topics of birds and bees that I refuse to get into with you.”

“No. Trust me. I got that down. Have for a long time now.” His bravado faded as he hesitated over his next thought. “But I don’t know how to get to know a woman anymore. I can’t exactly talk about life experiences since most of mine are top secret and what isn’t is redacted.”

“True. That does put a damper on things. ”She paused, the rustle of papers the only sound for a minute. “What is she into?”

“Uh, travel. Reading.”

“That’s a good start. What does she like to read? Have you read the same thing yet? Sometimes talking about books is one of the best ways to learn about someone. If she talks about a book you could read it and then mention it next time. That’s always a good way to get a conversation going.”

“Reading.” He drew the one word out. “I could probably do that.”

“If you remember how to that is. I don’t know how many literary pursuits you’ve been doing over the last few decades beyond mission briefs and status reports. And the details about a target probably aren’t too difficult to get through, seeing as how the target audience are government spooks.”

“Your faith in my abilities is touching.”

“Always.”

He laughed and she heard movement as he probably sat, finally relaxed now that his goal had been accomplished.

“How are you, kid? You still got that taser I sent you?”

“Yep, and it works like a charm.”

“Who’d you use it on? A local drunk?”

“Not exactly. And I think this one might even be above your pay grade.”

“I doubt that, but I’ll let you keep it to yourself. It’s usually best that way. But you need anything, you let me know.”

“Will do, sir. Will do.”

“New Mexico isn’t that far. I could be there in less than four hours.”

“Your scary connections never cease to impress me. But I think we’re good.”

“Okay. Listen, I’m gonna go,I guess I have a trip to the book store to plan, but you say hi to your mom and dad for me.”

“I will. You _try_ to stay out of trouble. And make sure to bring this Sarah around sometime. If she’s peaked your interest, I bet she’s a hoot.”

He gave a noncommittal laugh. “Love you, kid.”

“Love you too, old man!”

Despite his grunt, she knew he was grinning when she ended the call.


End file.
